Day Twenty

I thought I was prepared.
But there isn't anything...any book, video, class, or person...
that could prepare me for life with a newborn.
I really thought I knew what it would be like.
I expected it to be difficult.
I expected crying.

I expected dirty diapers.
I expected sleepless nights.
But I just don't think you really have any idea until it happens.
And oh boy, did it happen.
It's not so much hard, it's just constant.

Lyla has opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed.
It's a wonderful thing, really.

In the short time she has been here she has showed me what it
means to truly put someone else before myself.
It's not about me anymore and every decision I make now
involves this little person that I welcomed into the world.

Oh, and those first seven days that I blogged about previously....
HA. She must have just been easing me into this mommy thing
because my relationship with sleep is pretty much non-existent.
I  was a 10 hours a night kinda' girl, so this change has been hard,
but I'm learning something new everyday and so is Lyla,
and with each day life gets a little bit easier.

Lyla Estelle Johnson

Hard Work

NIGHT ONE:

The first night was spent at the hospital and it went just about as smooth as possible.
The nurses offer to take the baby to the nursery
for the night to allow momma to catch some rest.
But I declined their offer and told them I was comfortable with keeping her bedside.
Well, after a couple hours, I changed my mind.
Not because it was hard. Not because she was crying.
Only because every time I would shut my eyes I
would wake up in a state of panic less than five minutes later.
I just had this feeling of anxiety and had to check to make sure she was doing okay.
The nurses took her for a few hours and around 3:00 a.m. I requested for her back.

NIGHT TWO:

Still ecstatic and both of us feeling like little kids on Christmas
we decided to sleep in the living room. We brought out the bassinet,
made ourselves cozy on the couch, and everyone quickly fell asleep.
It wasn't until about 1:00 a.m. that Lyla woke up and
the only thing that kept her from crying was lying in my arms.
Every time I tried to set her back in her bassinet she would cry.
I rocked her in the recliner all night long.
I was beyond delirious, but I really didn't mind.

NIGHT THREE:

We moved the bassinet and made our nest for the night in the guest room.
The bed is lower, making it easier to get in and out.
It stays warmer in there, there is a larger end table,
and a better TV for mom and dad.
She slept from 1:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. and after a feeding,
fell back asleep until 8:30 a.m.
That was perfect. I could definitely get used to nights like these.

NIGHT FOUR:

Since things went so well in the guest room the night before, we decided to try for round two.
Unfortunately, things were a bit different.
She wasn't very happy when we tried to put her down the first time....
after a short nap, she woke up more angry than ever.
Kirk happily took over trying to soothe the upset baby because I was so exhausted.
I hate hearing her so upset, so tried to assist,
but Kirk kept pointing me back to the bedroom and said he could handle it.
I just love him. He tried everything.
I breast fed before going to back to sleep.
Then Kirk tried a bottle. Then tried her pacifier. Her diaper was dry.
She didn't like being rocked sitting down. She didn't like being rock standing up.
Kirk eventually got her to sleep around 4:30.
It sounds like the night was a very long one
and Kirk got to experience the deliriousness.
She woke up at 7:30, I fed her and then she slept until 11:00 a.m.
That was nice. Thanks Kirk for allowing me to get some sleep.

This is hard work.

Is four days too soon to ask for a consistent routine? Yes it is. I know.

She is improving with breastfeeding,
but we still aren't quite connecting the way we're supposed to.

We will see what's in store for night five....

NIGHT FIVE:

I love my baby.
For the second time since being home, she slept a good stretch through the night.
From 2:00 a.m. until about 6:00 a.m. everyone in the house was sound asleep.
I fed her this morning and then she fell back asleep in my arms until 11:00 a.m.

Also, another milestone.
I lost seven pounds over the weekend.
Still not anywhere near the weight I am aiming to get back to, but it's progress.
And I fit into a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans.
They are very tight and giving me a very flattering muffin top,
but the point is that I buttoned them up!!!

NIGHT SIX:
Another success. Lyla slept until 5:00 a.m.
woke up for a feeding and went back asleep until 9:00 a.m.
Today was our first day without Kirk and although it
was more difficult without him here, but we managed.
Were happy to have him back home this evening!

NIGHT SEVEN:
Is it too soon to say we are already establishing a night time routine?
She woke up again early this morning, ate, and fell back asleep.
Already one week old today, and although I feel overwhelmed at times,
it is getting easier with each passing day.

Lyla's Birth Story

The details of Lyla's big day have already started to blur, 

so I figured I better blog about it before the experience becomes a distant memory. 

I'm going to back up a few days and begin my story on January 1, 2012...

the day Lyla was expected to arrive. My due date. 
The day the doctor predicted she would arrive. 

It is my understanding that a majority of babies are never born on their due date, 
but when that day came and gone without any activity, I had become very discouraged.

I woke up everyday last week thinking, today has got to be the day. 
Then the clock would turn, morning turned to night, and another day passed.
I was attempting all suggested techniques and wives tales said to induce labor.
I walked and walked and walked. I took a ride on a bumpy car ride.
I ate spicy food. I ate chinese food.
I tried talking to Lyla. I tried relaxation techniques.
I stimulated my nipples to the point of  extreme pain. I started taking primrose oil.
And finally, on Tuesday, I tried castor oil.
Now, after all the negative side effects I read about this method, this was my last resort.
I wasn't even sure what castor oil was at first,
it sounded like something you buy in the automotive department.
But I wobbled into Walgreens, located the small bottle in the pharmacy section,
and proudly announced to the cashier that I was trying to induce labor.
She didn't seem to care. Oh well. 

Afterwards, my friend Lindsey and I went to my house to try out this castor oil thing.
I drank four tablespoons worth. It didn't have any flavor, just oily. 
The downfall was the consistency.
It was so thick going down my throat, made me gag.
Immediately after drinking the oil, I thought, this isn't working.
I'm just so patient.
I resumed the rest of my day with a negative attitude,
trying to prepare myself for two more weeks of pregnancy.
It wasn't until early morning that I started to feel the effects of the castor oil.
I'll leave out some unnecessary details, but will tell you I woke up to my stomach gurgling
and to some moderate contractions.
I had been having contractions pretty regularly by this point,
so I tried to not get my hopes up and figured they would just go away.
To my surprise, the contractions became more regular and a bit stronger.
Kirk already knew of my desperate attempts to induce labor all week
and so I didn't want him to think I was just faking it.
Finally, I woke up him around 6:00 a.m. I told him I had been having contractions
for about two hours and he began timing them.
I still didn't think they were as painful as they were supposed to be,
but once they became five minutes apart we decided
it was probably time to go to the hospital.
I was still coherent.
I was still able to pack my bag.
I fed the cat. I even made the bed.
I just knew that I wasn't in enough pain for this to be the real thing.
We arrived to the hospital by 8:00 a.m. and as I checked myself
into the room I kept wishing my contractions would get worse.
I was sure the nurses and staff took one look at my demeanor and had their doubts,
so I  tried to make my situation seem more dramatic than it really was...
squinting my face and holding my abdomen every so often.

We waited in a small room, we later labeled this the "prep room,"
and I told Kirk I thought they would most likely send us back home.
I got changed into a flattering hospital robe and eagerly waited on the edge of the bed.
Once the nurse came into the room she checked my dilation progress
and I smiled when she announced I was dilated to a two.
She left the room and we waited.
I was so happy to hear that my body was finally making some changes.
I still thought they would send us home though.
The nurse came back and explained that since
I was already past my due date that the doctor would like to break my water.
Wow. So this is really happening?
You guys aren't going to send me home?
The nurse said, "nope. you're having a baby today."
At that point, I wanted to give that nurse a great big hug.
Yes! Let's have a baby today!
Then reality sunk in and I started getting a wee bit nervous.

I want to make a quick note about the nurses.
They really do everything during the entire labor process
and the doctor is only called into the room for the "doctor" procedures.
My doctor of choice to deliver Lyla was still on his holiday vacation,
so I had to go with my second pick.
But in the long run, it really didn't matter,
because I hardly interacted with the doctor at all that day.
The nurses were my best friends.
It's funny to me that throughout my entire pregnancy
I was dreading the unavoidable exposure of my parts,
but once I was in the moment all modesty and humility
went completely out the window.

Anyways, the doctor graced me with five minutes of her time to break my water.
She reached up and up and up, very uncomfortable,
felt like she reached clear up to my rib cage.
She explained that I would soon feel a gush of water and might wonder if I wet myself.
She was absolutely right.
A rush of warm liquid flowed out of me uncontrollably and
continued to do so for the next few hours.

The larger room was definitely necessary for Lyla's fan club
that was slowing trickling in as the day progressed.
The nurses hooked me up to an IV for hydration and began inducing pitocin.
The pitocin was injected to assist with the frequency and strength of the contractions.
I was also hooked up to a machine that measured the contractions.
It was neat to watch the dial move with each contraction.
It was neat...until it got bad.
The machine could predict a contraction coming on before my body would feel it.
So, we would see the monitor sky rocket to the top of the screen
and I would prepare myself for the next contraction.
With each contraction, still about five minutes apart, they were getting worse and worse.
In addition to the contractions getting worse,
the nurse would continue to remind me that an epidural was readily available.
Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't speak during contractions.
I had to close my eyes and take deep breaths to make it through the pain.
The time between each contraction lessened and I began to cry.
Once again, the nurse reminded me that an epidural would quickly put an end to this stress.
I asked her to check my dilation and
at that point I would make my decision about the epidural.
I was dilated to a three.
Only a three? I have seven more steps until I can push this baby out? Holy crap.
I wanted to do this naturally and
although I think I was capable of talking myself through each contraction,
temptation was knocking on my door.
I've always been a sucker for temptation.
I think everyone was relieved when I agreed to getting the epidural.
I was irritable and I'm sure it was difficult for everyone
in the room watch me cope with such excruciating pain.
I was so grateful when the anesthesiologist arrived within the next fifteen minutes.
No matter how hard I tried to focus on my happy place,
the contractions were truly the worst pain I've ever felt.
I had to sign a bunch of paperwork outlining the risks and
possible complications that may arise from receiving an epidural.
I was alarmed by most of the risks.
But since my pain outweighed my fear, I quickly initialed, sat on the edge of the bed,
fully exposed once again, and waited for the epidural.
It really didn't hurt as bad as I expected.
The anesthesiologist numbed the area and that was the worst part.
I would compare it to getting a shot at the dentist, which I hate.
However, I'm glad I didn't have to watch the insertion.
Kirk offered to film it but I declined...his description of the process was enough for me.
After that I really couldn't feel much and
after about ten minutes the contraction pain subsided and my lower half went numb.
Ahhhh, so much relief. I felt SO much better.
Who in their right mind would want to do this naturally, I thought.
Oh that's right, I wanted to do it naturally. But I'm a wuss and I don't even care.
The only negative side effect I felt from the epidural was I got the shivers.
Everyone kept asking if I was cold. Asked if I needed more blankets. But I wasn't cold at all.
I felt fine. I just was shivering like crazy.
At that point, I enjoyed watching the monitor and as each contraction
would shoot higher on the charts than the next, I just smiled.
I knew that was probably a horrible contraction, but I couldn't feel it one bit. yee-haw!

The nurse suggested I try to catch a nap before the pushing
stage because it would surely wear me out.
I attempted a nap on a couple different occasions,
but between feeling anxious and all of our visitors, a nap was just out of the question.
An hour and a half had passed when I started feeling a lot of pressure in my pelvic region.
I was worried the epidural was starting to wear off  and
had the nurse check my dilation again.
She was pretty shocked to find that I went from
a three to a nine in such a short amount of time.
It wasn't long after that the nurse asked everyone to leave the room
because it was time to start pushing.
This was all happening to fast and it was
so much less chaotic than everyone makes it seem.
The nurse gave Kirk and I some instruction on how the pushing stage would go
and told us to expect this to last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours.
As we waited for the doctor to arrive, the nurse said
it would be alright for me to try some practice pushes.
I propped my legs up and gave it a try.
It felt so wonderful to push.
With each push I felt her move just a little and
knew my baby was a little bit closer to being in my arms.
It was less than ten minutes when the nurse said she could already see the baby's head
and asked that I stop pushing until the doctor was in the room.
Like I said before, the doctor shows up for the "doctor" part,
in this instance it was to catch, and that's about it.
Kirk was on my right side, assisting with one leg, and coaching me through each push.
He also gave me a play-by-play as he watched her hair emerge from the...exit.
I wasn't expecting him to watch, I don't think he was expecting to either....
but it was great to have him so involved. He was really supportive.
 
Finally, the doctor came into the room.
She strapped on some gloves and gave me a little more aggressive coaching tips.
She was a bit demanding, but it did help.
I would say we had four sets of three pushes and Lyla was out.
I felt the widest part of her head slowly squeeze through and
the rest of her body slid right out immediately after.
I was overwhelmed by a huge sensation of relief, followed by so many other emotions.
I was so happy, stunned, amazed.
For that moment, it felt like the world had stopped and
there was nothing else in existence except for us, in that room,
on that bed, with our daughter.
She was silent after delivery, giving on a small cry, she seemed so calm and peaceful.
They placed her soft body on my chest and as the nurses were rubbing
her vigorously to keep her warm, she looked up at me with her big eyes.
She looked at Kirk and continued to look all around the room, taking it all in.
It was our first bonding moment as a family and I will forever cherish that moment.
For a moment, it looked like she had a scowl on her face.
For obvious reasons, she was glaring at us.
I would imagine traveling through the birth canal is a traumatic experience and
she was living inside a cozy hot-tub for the past nine months.
I would be a little upset too.

Kirk cut the umbilical cord.
The hospital needs to invest in some sharper scissors,
because it took him three times to cut through.
Ew. I wouldn't want to do that part.
The nurse helped her to start breastfeeding and she latched on right away.

The doctor finished up with the delivery of the placenta.
That part felt really weird, by the way.
I would like to compare it to a roll of canned cranberry sauce rolling out of you. Yummy.
Then she removed her gloves, congratulated us, and left us with the nurses.
Kirk was able to watch and assist as they checked Lyla's vitals and weighed her.
She was 7lbs 2oz and 20 1/2 inches in length. She was perfect. Her skin was perfect.
Her face was perfectly symmetrical. Her hair, unexpectedly blonde, was beautiful.
Her fingers and toes were all perfect. I just felt so much love for her right away.
For so long I was able to feel this little girl inside of me,
finally my other four senses are able to appreciate her beauty too.
You are probably thinking you experienced your daughter with all five senses?
And the answer is yes, I did taste my daughter. It's my inner-cat instinct. I just can't help it.

The nurse originally wanted me to try nursing for a bit longer,
but then decided our anxious family members outside might break down
the door if she didn't let them in soon.
The door flew open and people filled the entire hospital room.
The "ooos" and "ahhs" and clicking sounds from all the cameras was very amusing.
This little lady has a bigger fan club than I did when I was born.
And if you were around for my arrival into the world,
you already know that I was a pretty big deal.
But I think I have finally been outdone.
There is a bigger star than me in the world now and
I couldn't have chose a better person to take my reigns.
I'm mostly kidding about my childhood ego....
I am truly humbled and so grateful for all the support we had that day.


Shortly after Lyla's first photo shoot they moved us into what we called the "recovery room".
Kirk and I were left alone with Lyla and we allowed reality to sink in.
We created this little being. I'm a mom. Kirk is a dad. We are parents.
It is up to us now to show this little girl what is beyond these hospital walls.
It is up to us to teach her about life. It is up to us to care for her and protect her.
I have always been so appreciative of my parents and
their unconditional love for me and my brother.
I think they gave me the tools to be a good mom to Lyla and
now I'm even more stunned by parents who neglect or wrongly care for their children.


She was born on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 3:04 p.m.
I started having labor pains at 4:00 a.m.
so I would say I was in labor for a total of 11 hours.
It was definitely not as hectic as I anticipated.
The outcome was well worth it anyways.
All my worries and concerns I had during my pregnancy have now subsided.
I'm so thankful for our healthy baby girl and that there were no complications during labor.
The hospital requested we stay for two nights,
but not only were we comfortable to leave the next day, we were also bored.
I will admit, it was nice to have the nurses around.
They always made sure we were comfortable, were very attentive,
and answered all of my questions. But the hospital just isn't home.
We enjoyed one more day of endless visitors and
then were able to leave on Thursday evening.
I couldn't decide which outfit I wanted Lyla to wear home,
so I brought three to the hospital.
I was so worried before that I had too many "newborn" sized clothes
and they would be too small.
Well, that was a silly worry because all of her clothes are too big. Haha
I'm sure it won't be long before she outgrows them all. I can't wait for everything.

I can't wait for her to learn and grow.
I can't wait for life to happen with my new family.
But I know if I keep saying that it will all happen too fast.
So, I am trying to refrain from the "I can't waits" and just trying to savor each moment.

That is all for now, I will make revisions and post more photos later!