Wonder/Full

I often write things on this blog about how chaotic it can be living with two toddlers. It's an unpredictable path of entertaining madness, and any veteran parent would probably laugh at my constant rambling. Actually, life is full of chaos no matter who you are. I imagine that just when my toddler crops are harvested, a new patch of life brutality will bloom. Regardless, this is my life and the biggest thing in my life right now is being a mom. This blog is about my life. 

I feel crazy several times a week and it's important for me to find glimpses of serenity in the world to maintain my sanity. I need places I can escape when my head starts feeling cloudy, yet are close enough to civilization that I can return to normal life within, hmm, five minutes. Texas is not my home turf and I have yet to find many places like I loved in Idaho. After living in Idaho my entire life, I had several hidden treasures within close proximity. I really miss the mountains. Anyway, things like hot baths, a good book, my favorite song on full blast, snuggling sleeping babies, making my sink all shiny, a glass of wine, two glasses of wine, three glasses of wine can help me relax just as much. But there is something about nature that soothes me to the core. Life gets busy and nature gets neglected. It is just the sad truth.

Okay so enough rambling and onto my point. We went to a Lyla sized birthday party this weekend at this giant park and botanical garden. And oh my goodness. It is beautiful!!! I want to live there in a tent. Apparently it is even more gorgeous in the spring when all the flowers are in full bloom. There are several trails for nature walks. I demand to know how have all of my Google searches never led me to this park? It's because it's a Texas hidden treasure, that's why! It was little bit of a drive into unfamiliar territory and since the local news gives the creeps, I doubt I will ever return by myself. Hopefully I can convince some fellow companions to join us very soon. 

Then the day got even better. Lyla fell asleep in the car on the way home and I took a little drive so she could rest longer. She does not transfer from car to house very well, actually not at all. So we drove around our neighborhood, then a little further, and then all the sudden I discovered this awesome lake isolated all by its lonesome. There were 'no trespassing' signs everywhere. But you are definitely mistaken if you think a silly sign has ever stopped me from exploring. If my babies were a little older I would stick them in a canoe and we would have a picnic on the lake. You see, this toddler stuff can be a real fun killer sometimes!

Lyla & her friend Jordyn at the birthday party!

That was my Sunday. It was a good day. Now my belly is full & the babies are tucked in bed. 

Hmm, actually. Lyla is still tossing. Just while writing this entry she called me into her room to open her blinds. then again to turn on her fan. then again to close her blinds. She is being a stinker and she knows it! Oh well. I'm the dummy who keeps complying. 

Good night. 

Lyla vs. Sleep

This is a photo of a girl named Lyla. It may seem strange that this little girl is sleeping on the bottom step. I, however, find it adorable that her little tiny body fits almost perfectly from end to end. This puzzling situation occurred after her parents kissed this little girl goodnight and tucked her into bed. She protested sleep for so long that she thought she might play a little game and creep her way down the staircase. I think she was quite pleased with herself for reaching the bottom step without any reprimand from her parents. The reality is she was not as sneaky as she thought and they were quite simply ignoring this amusing behavior. As you can see from this photo, she eventually rested her eyes and surrendered to the slumber fairies.

I love this little girl so much. Even when she sleeps like an absolute maniac, I still love her. Her crazy sleep habits make her Lyla and that is a beautiful thing. I want to give a quick timeline of Lyla's erratic sleep history. It's a prime example of how I used to plan out the most picture perfect version of parenthood and got slapped in the face when I realized that's just not how it works because I gave birth to a human and not a robot.

So, let's see, she was born a newborn and didn't like sleep when we liked sleep. She slept all day and cried all night. That was expected. For the first few weeks of her life she would sleep best in the baby swing. I think any newborn money we saved went towards batteries for that damn swing. I'm kidding. I love that swing. It saved our lives countless nights. Those nights were brutal, but I remember them. Like that time I woke up face down on the carpet in a puddle of my own drool, wondering when and how I got there, only to look up and find the swing still rocking and Lyla snoozing away. We eventually upgraded from swing life to the living room recliner. I slept with her in my arms all night long, as far back as that recliner would recline. I figured that was an upgrade from the puddle of drool. Then my mom slapped some sense into me and told me to stop that recliner nonsense. Lyla matured a little around three months and started sleeping in her crib. I finally went back to mattress life in my own bedroom.

Then we started the horribly bad habit of filling a bottle for Lyla anytime she made a slight sound of discomfort during the night. As new parents, we felt every cry was urgent and it was our duty to come to her rescue as quickly as possible. I actually felt strongly about responding to her needs immediately when she was that young. It was important for me to build her trust. However, I wish I would have picked a different late night nurturing option. You know, like rocking her or rubbing her back. But I never had patience for that in the middle of the night. When you are exhausted and so badly need sleep and the convenience of the bottle actually soothes her, well...it's hard to resist. The problem is the late night bottle became a habit. If she woke, she expected a bottle.

Okay. So we continued on that path for a few months and just kept hoping she would change her ways. The six month mark passed. The month where all parenting books in the world promise that your baby will sleep through the night. If you play your cards right, that is. Yeah. Yeah. My logic was that she was very petite and her body needed those extra calories at night. Plus, I felt fortunate that she always napped well and fell asleep easily at bed time. Our issue here was staying asleep. 

She got a little bit older and just as I was comfortable with some sleep training techniques, we did something silly like move to Texas. She was ten months old and for the following five months we shared a bedroom with our sweet little girl---aka no sleep Lyla. The most ideal option was to continue to comply with her late night bottle demands because it would be completely insane to ignore a crying baby when she is literally inches away from you! Also, Kirk just started his new job. He needed to be feeling fresh in the morning and we didn't want to reveal his true zombie-dad status. More excuses. More hoping that Lyla would outgrow this bottle addiction.

Oh crap. Lyla turned one and now I knew we were in trouble. Any doctor will tell you that you are the worst parent in the world if your child has a bottle past age one. I told myself, we are moving soon, so we will just wait until then. More excuses. Phew! Then Lyla turned 15 months and we moved into our house. We had the best intentions to finally take away her bottle. It was time to put our foot down. Stop being enablers! Well. We quickly lost that battle because HELLO she needed some time to adjust to her new surroundings. She was no longer sleeping in the same room as her parents or right across the hall, as she did when she was a baby. It would be so traumatizing to take away her only source of comfort during such a difficult time.

Fast forward a couple more months and the best little brother in town was born. Baby Maxwell. At that point, the goals we planned to achieve with her sleep habits completely fell to the back burner. Because uhh hello. Newborn. Lyla continued on the path of falling asleep at night and waking up 2-3 times for a bottle. Ridiculous. At least we eventually convinced her that it tasted the same at a cold temperature. Warming up a bottle for thirty seconds feels like two hours at 3:00 a.m. She would wake up happily in the morning and all was well. We were consistent about bed time. Consistent with her sleep routine. But somehow (I know how!) it turned into nothing we wanted for our nearly two year old daughter. The bottle and Lyla were best buds. We accepted it because it meant a somewhat decent night of sleep.

Lyla turned two and I made the commitment to myself to take away her bottle for good. Cold turkey. It was a brutal three days. She refused milk from a sippy cup and I was making myself crazy about her proper calcium intake without drinking milk. I eased my mind knowing that less liquid in her belly meant more room for other nutritious foods. My mom called me a meanie and reminded me that I drank from a bottle until the later half of being three. Yes. That was all I needed to hear. I happily returned Lyla's trophy and got back to our normal sleep routine of nightly bottles. 

Nowadays Lyla still has a bottle when she goes to bed. I don't know when it will end. I tell myself soon, but who really knows. However, she has at least replaced the 3:00 a.m. bottle call with creeping into our bedroom. It's pretty cute hearing her little voice in the middle of the night, "mommy....me come in?". Snuggling her is my very favorite and bed sharing is a totally acceptable habit in this house, now that we have a king size bed. Even though those damn doctors say otherwise. Sometimes she kicks us. Sometimes she screams continuously and loudly, for no apparent reason. Those things are very irritating and well, we like to hope she will grow out of those things, just as we have for her entire life. 

Guess what. I discovered this little piece of gold called Vetiver. It is an essential oil extracted from a perennial grass, native to India. It is a calming, grounding oil with a million different benefits. The most beneficial factor for our family---it puts Lyla to sleep for the entire night. No crying. No screaming. No bottle requests. No sneaking down to our room. She wakes up happy as a clam in the morning. I am in shock every single day. It's hard to make a believer out of me when it comes to anything until I have my own personal experience. And this oil. It is magical stuff. It was sent to me straight from heaven [and the internet].

I am so grateful that I have finally found a way to give Lyla the deep sleep that she needs. The sleep her tiny body deserves. It's natural. It's safe. I know I'm not giving her something with a bazillion ingredients or containing some whacky chemical. It's a comforting feeling knowing that her wellness is coming from the earth. The hippy inside me likes that earth shit! 

Chronos v. Kairos

I am reading the best book in the world right now. It speaks to my soul. I am being serious. The author, Glennon Melton is on my wave length. She speaks the truth & I dig it.  I've included below one of my favorite snippets from the book. It's really changed my perspective in regards to this thing we call TIME. Yep. I have a love/hate relationship with time and these few paragraphs describe it perfectly. 

Begin.

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

End.

I can whole heartedly agree and relate with chronos & kairos time. I am taking my time to recognize those moments as often as possible. Here are a few of my own kairos moments as of late....

1. texas rainstorms are no joke. i love them. clearly lyla & max are pretty fond of them as well. the rain was pouring and they were running up and down the driveway laughing so hard. lyla was begging me to join them and i kept saying, "naaah. i will just stay here and watch." then I said to myself, "hey self, what else are you doing right now? don't be such a square!"

we played for nearly an hour. no regrets about that decision!

2. lyla loves the carousel at the mall. she loved it a year ago too.

however, it took her a very long time to build the courage to actually sit on an animal.

the first few rides we enjoyed the view from the senior citizen/infant bench.  

i'm proud of her & her carousel progress. 

 3. cousin bonding time is so special. 

last week hali crowned queen lyla.

lyla had no problem playing the role of royalty.

hali is so sweet, she even included maxwell in the grand entrance. 

4. children's museum = best $5 ever spent.

imagination goes into overdrive at this place!

5. lyla is in a new phase of getting herself dressed.

i usually offer my style advice and leave it at that.

exploring her wardrobe is an essential part of growing up, 

there just might be a future fashion designer in the making.

this day consisted of backward overalls & a skirt.

yes, we went in public like this. haha!

6. oh maxwell, i don't believe there is one ounce of fear in that tiny body.

7. she is looking way too sassy & grown up in this picture.

i can't stare at it for too long or my heart starts to do that swelly thing. 

she is going to turn three in four short months.

i am having a hard time with that.

Baseball Frenzy & Mom Time Outs

Saturday evening took us to downtown Houston for an Astros baseball game. We took the kiddos with very low expectations. I knew it could get ugly as we neared their bed times and I would feel satisfied if we lasted an hour, at best. To my surprise, they were so good and we didn't leave until the top of the ninth inning. I was feeling a little antsy myself by that point anyway. 

Lyla and Max don't shy away from big, loud events. They seemed so enchanted by all the people, the cheering, the music. The crowd sang "take me out to the ball game" and Lyla belted it out loudly, although she didn't even know the words. She had this undeniable sparkle in her eyes as she said, "let's sing that again!" They were busy bodies during the game, of course. Luckily, we had six seats for them to shuffle around, plus a little ice cream break! I think everybody had a really fun time. 

The night at the baseball field was good for me. I needed some family time beyond the daily cycle. This past week was a real doozy. The constant rain causing a bit of cabin fever, Lyla sleeping like a wild woman, and Max's top molars coming in have quite simply drained me to the point of exhaustion. Oh yes, and the preferred method of communication this week was just lovely. ----> Crying. Hitting. Biting. 

Ugh. I just wanted to scream "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!" [runs away & hides]

But I can't do that. 

Because I am the adult. 

And being an adult is really sucky sometimes. 

I really do my best to embrace the chaos and find joy in the small moments, it's sorta my mantra. But there was very little of that going on this week. My ability to remain calm was vanishing quickly. I was feeling so defeated and pitiful, wishing I could call my mom and say "PLEASE come take these barbaric children for the afternoon!" I really miss that lady. She always rescues me when I need it most and I'm okay admitting that. That is exactly what moms are for, right!? 

Then I remembered the YMCA offers a "save our sanity" program twice a month for other like-minded moms nearing psychosis. I signed them up as quickly as possible. My three hours of freedom consisted of a pedicure, Starbucks frappuccino, and wandering around aimlessly in Barnes & Noble. I just needed to breathe. Without occasional breaks, I find the mom I want to be and the mom I actually am heading in opposite directions. And that isn't what I want. I want motherhood to be an amazing, fulfilling experience. AND USUALLY IT IS. As I said, this past week was just a killer. I am obviously venting here. 

Anyway, during my little mom time out it gave my some time to think, reflect, and observe. I noticed a woman in the parenting section at Barnes & Noble looking deeply into a book titled "Parenting Your Strong-Willed Toddler." It made me smile. I watched another woman chase her toddler around the children's section as he pulled books from shelves. It made me smile again. Then as I pulled in to the YMCA parking lot I sat in my car for a few minutes, questioning why I was picking them up an hour earlier than necessary. [The truth is I was bored without them! LOL] Anyway, I looked over to the car parked next to me and noticed another book laying in the front seat. It was titled "Sleeping Through the Night." All these signs were dropping like bombs! I walked inside the YMCA to pick up my babies, feeling like myself again. I watched them from the big glass window before making my appearance known. Lyla eventually saw me and gave me a big hug. She told me she missed me. It felt good to be missed. I missed them too.

All of these moments were quiet reminders to me that we are all connected. Knowing that we are all in this together brings me some peace. We all have struggles. We all have hard days. We all have fear and guilt brewing inside. I think it's okay to say, "somebody help me!" I think it's okay to admit that being a mom is hard. It wasn't meant to be easy.  Sure, there was a time I thought being a mom sounded like an easy, carefree gig. Being a mom is something I dreamed of becoming for as long as I can remember. And yes, some days are easy, run smoothly, and are full of smiles. Some days are not. And it is okay. We get to try all over again tomorrow.

I hope nobody perceives this blog post as me being a negative Nancy. Because 1. my name isn't Nancy, and 2.  I would be lying if I said my life was rainbows and unicorns. I want my blog to include the good days and the bad days. I want it to be real. I want it to be honest. Someday I will look back at all these entries and laugh, probably cry, and just maybe it will be a source of support when Lyla ventures into the world of motherhood for herself. 

Making Water

This is a game Lyla started playing when she was about 18 months old. I think she made it up herself.  I didn't even know this game had a name, she just informed me it is called "Making Water." You simply pour water in and out of several different cups. It generally makes a huge mess, but if it keeps her entertained while I make lunch or dinner I am totally content with the mess. It is just cups and water. No big deal.

Recently she started teaching Max this game and it's so adorable. I love it so much when they play nice together. I'm really obsessed with their sibling bonding moments lately....I know, I know.

 

Cooler Weather Please

We have missed the park a lot lately. This Texas heat can be a real fun killer sometimes. It is September but that doesn't mean cooler temperatures for us quite yet. Max hasn't been able to experience much park time as a walking boy and I'm just so excited for him. I decided we needed to push ourselves a little harder to adapt to this hot and humid weather. I noticed it "cooled off" to 87 degrees one day this week, so we loaded up the car and drove to the park. 

Well. We it turns out that I'm not crazy. It is hot. I laughed when I discovered we were literally the only people at the park. Even the squirrels were hiding from the heat. It was so fun for me to watch them play together though. As we arrived, Lyla said to me, "Don't hold him, Mom. He can walk." or the other line that killed me was "No mom, you just stay there. I will show him." I tried to hide in the shade as much as possible, as Lyla and Max ran around for a solid half hour before I could convince them to leave. They both had sweat dripping off their faces. It's okay though. A little sweat is good for them.

For the most part, we have a fall schedule in a good rotation for the week days. We throw in grocery shopping and play dates [hopefully the park soon!] at random. I think having a schedule helps our days go smoother and I've noticed that Lyla has a happier attitude when she knows what is coming next. Most days I like to be done with breakfast, have the kids ready, and in the car for whatever activity or errand we have for the day by 9:00 am. It's best when we get home just in time for lunch and have nap time shortly after. I feel like getting out the door first thing in the morning gives us a slight sense of real world structure that is easy to miss out on by having the leisure of being a stay at home family. Plus, there is less shame in a lazy afternoon if we have a productive morning. 

We started a music class on Wednesday mornings. It is totally cheesy and over the top. The teacher reminds me of a Disney character. Max and Lyla really love it. Their dance moves are hysterical. I really enjoyed taking Lyla to the Little Gym last year, but carrying Max in the baby harness was becoming physically impossible. It seemed like a hassle this year to arrange a sitter for Max every week just to take Lyla to gymnastics for an hour. Not to mention the extra expense of finding an individual activity for Max to participate in. It has to be fair. Geez. Lol. This is a nice family activity and suits their age group just fine for now. 

After our return from Idaho I wasn't sure if Max would make the switch to a one nap rotation or not. To my surprise, he eased right back into two naps per day. It has been a delightful three weeks. Unfortunately, the only thing constant is change and this week he is resisting his morning nap. In the event the morning nap does occur, it makes his afternoon nap completely worthless. I think this is my cue that he is ready to make the one nap transition. We have tried out taking only one nap the last couple of days and he seems to prefer it. The only set back with one nap is he is ready for bed a half hour earlier and that means less play time with Dad. 

In addition to the nap changes we are making, Lyla is no longer falling asleep as easily during her regular nap times. I would say, twice per week, she lays in my bed for an hour and half before I finally let her come out and play again. We have agreed that even if her eyes don't feel tired she has to have quiet time for a while. As long as she doesn't get grumpy I suppose I can adjust to this change. However, I am really hoping this is a phase and she will get back to her awesome afternoon nap sessions.  I like having those two hours of solitude in the afternoon. It isn't easy being enthusiastic about ordinary tasks all day long and nap time gives me time to recharge my mom juice.

Maxwell: 15 Month Check-Up

Maxwell passed another checkpoint on the growing scale and that means yet another doctor appointment and one more shot in the leg. We are getting pretty professional at these things. 

Weight: 24 pounds 6 oz, 50th percentile

Height: 31 3/4 inches, 90th percentile

Head: 18 1/2 inches, 75th percentile

He only gained four ounces since his last weigh in. I know. I'm thinking the same thing. Say whaaaat? How does that add up if he is literally always eating? [i just read on my little 15 month handout that I should not use food as a reward. hahahaha what a silly tip.] Anyway, he is definitely a very active little boy nowadays, so I guess he is just thinning out. The sumo wrestler in Max has retired. That's just how it is. 

Another thing boggling my mind is how do we [me & kirk]  have tall children?    

A few doctor appointment highlights include:

1. The one thing that continues to impress me with this doctor is his style of practice. As I said before, he is old school and it never feels rushed. I love how he involves Lyla in the appointment and asks her questions about being a big sister. He gives her tips on how to deal with brothers who steal toys. I can tell she really listens to him. It is nice having someone new to explain those tough little brother situations because she has definitely learned to tune this mom voice out if she pleases. 

2. The doctor was surprised that Max has never visited his office for an illness. He commented that 90% of babies age 9-15 months go to the doctor at some point for an illness that requires an antibiotic. I don't know if that is a legit statistic, but hearing it was enough to make me happy. Max has never suffered through any flu symptoms, ear infections, asthma issues, allergic reactions, or other common crap that seems to attract the baby immune system. I'm definitely grateful for his health. 

3. Max doesn't like cow milk. I'm not overly concerned about it because A. he just barely made the no boob adjustment and B. like most things with toddlers, I know he will eventually surrender and [do i dare say it?] like milk! The doctor suggested I flavor the milk with chocolate or strawberry. I was surprised to hear this suggestion come from a doctor. I actually think it's a brilliant idea, just surprised is all. I need to be more consistent about offering it to him.

4. The doctor kept calling Max "so laid back" during his check up. I am only including this small bit of information in this blog entry because Kirk is extra pleased with the reputation his little man seems to be building for himself. It must be that "like father like son" mentality that makes him proud. Lol. Also, Max didn't cry or even flinch after his shot. I mean come on, Max. I was at least expecting a little wimper, but nothing. not a peep. 

However, I did hear him let out a loud & unusual scream immediately after laying him down for his afternoon nap. Afterwards, I discovered the band-aid from earlier pressed against the sheets in his crib and assumed he probably ripped that thing off. Haha. 

To visit Max's previous check up please click here.