My Peeps!

My mom and Jake left us yesterday after a five day visit in Texas. As always, we had so much fun and replenished the memory bucket until next time. We all went to an Astros game together on Saturday evening. My mom splurged on some really great tickets and we had a blast! We haven't taken Lyla or Max to a baseball game in a couple years, so it was fun to see how much they have evolved compared to our last experience. I had the realization it's getting easier to plan adventures as our kids become more and more flexible as they grow older. There was once a time we had to plan activities to revolve around the schedule of these little munchkins, but it seems we are finally moving away from that. It's fun having "big" kids!

I suppose I can't give Max the big kid title quite yet, considering we did have a crisis situation at the very end of the ball game. As he melted into a puddle of hysterical sadness on the floor of the public restroom, I imagined all the diseases he had to be contracting and begged him to hold on a little longer. There was no saving him. It was already too late. So, I decided to relocate him outdoors to a grassy area and give him some space to release all that emotion. I just stood there and waved at strangers as they passed by. "Oh, hi. Yes. That's my child. His apparent exorcism was taking place near the toilet just minutes ago, so believe me this is much better for us. Carry on." Anyway, like I said, it seems we are moving away from planning around their schedules, but I guess we aren't out of the woods quite yet. It was late and the game was almost over, so I'll give him that --- but I can't wait to tell him this story when he's older. It was an award winning performance.

We had more fun times including foot spa night by Lyla, endless shopping, swimming time, football and taco day, Top Golf, and my mom was also able to visit our school. I can never decide whether to call it school or work since it's both, so in this instance it's school. Anyway, it was nice to give her a glimpse of our new daily schedule and the kids enjoyed showing off their classrooms. She even read a story to Max's class. It was adorable! 

My mom is such an amazing grandma and I'm so grateful my kiddos were able to absorb some of her loving energy for a few days. Lyla's Barbie collection has been gathering dust for the past couple months, but I think Lyla remembered how good Grandma is at playing Barbies because the moment she arrived it was game on. I really enjoy my mom's Barbie technique because she bounces back and forth between full on dedication to the never ending game and bringing Barbie into real life scenarios, such as Barbie has to blow dry her hair, make the bed, pour some coffee --- then she returns to Lyla's script. Ha! It's pretty great.

As for little brother Jake, he is an excellent uncle. My heart explodes every time I watch him interact with Lyla and Max. I can't even explain the reasoning, but he has exceeded any expectation I ever had for all the silly uncle-ing abilities I made up in my head. He is the best brother and I'm so lucky my kids get to call him their uncle. My favorite Jake rant from this trip was a surprisingly convincing argument about how real water bottle companies in this country are selling us water that doesn't even hydrate our bodies. Yes folks, non-hydrating h2o. I was giggling, but feeling somewhat skeptical after his lengthy speech. However, knowing it would push his buttons, I claimed this conspiracy theory was nothing more than a first world problem and told him he sounded like a "spoiled millennial." He said, "If by that comment you mean I think for myself, then I'll take that as a compliment." Haha! I love him. He is a riot. I think it's obvious how much I love teasing my brother, but I can't help it. It's been the easiest form of entertainment in my life for the past 24 years. However, as much as I love to harass him about practically everything, I hope he also knows how much I admire his wisdom and overall outlook on life. He will always be one of my favorites, cynicism and all.

I miss them already. I dropped them off at the airport and cried like a baby, because that's what I always do. I wish I could keep them here forever. I know some people may think I'm nuts, but I really think our culture made a wrong turn having families separate from each other as soon as we emerge into adulthood. Why do we do that? Where did all this pressure come from? I think we should reside in the same house, perhaps build a small village, and keep the happy times going forever and ever. I want less stuff and more people. And I'm reminded of this every time I have to say goodbye. 

Baseball Frenzy & Mom Time Outs

Saturday evening took us to downtown Houston for an Astros baseball game. We took the kiddos with very low expectations. I knew it could get ugly as we neared their bed times and I would feel satisfied if we lasted an hour, at best. To my surprise, they were so good and we didn't leave until the top of the ninth inning. I was feeling a little antsy myself by that point anyway. 

Lyla and Max don't shy away from big, loud events. They seemed so enchanted by all the people, the cheering, the music. The crowd sang "take me out to the ball game" and Lyla belted it out loudly, although she didn't even know the words. She had this undeniable sparkle in her eyes as she said, "let's sing that again!" They were busy bodies during the game, of course. Luckily, we had six seats for them to shuffle around, plus a little ice cream break! I think everybody had a really fun time. 

The night at the baseball field was good for me. I needed some family time beyond the daily cycle. This past week was a real doozy. The constant rain causing a bit of cabin fever, Lyla sleeping like a wild woman, and Max's top molars coming in have quite simply drained me to the point of exhaustion. Oh yes, and the preferred method of communication this week was just lovely. ----> Crying. Hitting. Biting. 

Ugh. I just wanted to scream "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!" [runs away & hides]

But I can't do that. 

Because I am the adult. 

And being an adult is really sucky sometimes. 

I really do my best to embrace the chaos and find joy in the small moments, it's sorta my mantra. But there was very little of that going on this week. My ability to remain calm was vanishing quickly. I was feeling so defeated and pitiful, wishing I could call my mom and say "PLEASE come take these barbaric children for the afternoon!" I really miss that lady. She always rescues me when I need it most and I'm okay admitting that. That is exactly what moms are for, right!? 

Then I remembered the YMCA offers a "save our sanity" program twice a month for other like-minded moms nearing psychosis. I signed them up as quickly as possible. My three hours of freedom consisted of a pedicure, Starbucks frappuccino, and wandering around aimlessly in Barnes & Noble. I just needed to breathe. Without occasional breaks, I find the mom I want to be and the mom I actually am heading in opposite directions. And that isn't what I want. I want motherhood to be an amazing, fulfilling experience. AND USUALLY IT IS. As I said, this past week was just a killer. I am obviously venting here. 

Anyway, during my little mom time out it gave my some time to think, reflect, and observe. I noticed a woman in the parenting section at Barnes & Noble looking deeply into a book titled "Parenting Your Strong-Willed Toddler." It made me smile. I watched another woman chase her toddler around the children's section as he pulled books from shelves. It made me smile again. Then as I pulled in to the YMCA parking lot I sat in my car for a few minutes, questioning why I was picking them up an hour earlier than necessary. [The truth is I was bored without them! LOL] Anyway, I looked over to the car parked next to me and noticed another book laying in the front seat. It was titled "Sleeping Through the Night." All these signs were dropping like bombs! I walked inside the YMCA to pick up my babies, feeling like myself again. I watched them from the big glass window before making my appearance known. Lyla eventually saw me and gave me a big hug. She told me she missed me. It felt good to be missed. I missed them too.

All of these moments were quiet reminders to me that we are all connected. Knowing that we are all in this together brings me some peace. We all have struggles. We all have hard days. We all have fear and guilt brewing inside. I think it's okay to say, "somebody help me!" I think it's okay to admit that being a mom is hard. It wasn't meant to be easy.  Sure, there was a time I thought being a mom sounded like an easy, carefree gig. Being a mom is something I dreamed of becoming for as long as I can remember. And yes, some days are easy, run smoothly, and are full of smiles. Some days are not. And it is okay. We get to try all over again tomorrow.

I hope nobody perceives this blog post as me being a negative Nancy. Because 1. my name isn't Nancy, and 2.  I would be lying if I said my life was rainbows and unicorns. I want my blog to include the good days and the bad days. I want it to be real. I want it to be honest. Someday I will look back at all these entries and laugh, probably cry, and just maybe it will be a source of support when Lyla ventures into the world of motherhood for herself.