Bye Dad!

My dad's trip has come and gone! We had a blast and I'm so happy he came to visit. It was brought to my attention that the last time he visited Lyla was the same age as Max is now. I was explaining to my dad that he will notice Max probably isn't talking nearly as much as Lyla was at that age. And at that exact moment Max let out the word "grandpa" clear as day. Apparently Max was trying to prove me wrong. It was pretty funny. 

My dad wanted to take the kids fishing, so we headed to Wal-Mart to pick up some poles for the kiddos. I think my dad envisioned purchasing a legitimate fishing pole and really gearing up for a semi-professional fishing experience. Unfortunately for him, good ol' Wal-Mart was fully stocked with Barbie fishing poles and proved that my usually strong willed father has turned into such a push over grandpa! He let go of his original idea and gave into the commercialized version of fishing. We headed to the lake. Lyla and Max were definitely interested in the activity, but it was a true test of their attention span. We ended up catching only one fish. Max was mesmerized and touched it several times. Lyla, not so much. 

My dad and Lyla baked some brownies together. It was cute as he explained to Lyla it was a recipe my grandma likes to use. He complied with every single one of Lyla's requests to play Barbie. And his Barbie voices are surprisingly impressive!  He even agreed to watch Frozen and act out the scenes. 

My dad is a pretty low-maintenance house guest. He doesn't eat much, in fact his diet consists of 90% energy drinks. I didn't see him drink a glass of water the entire time he was here. And believe me, I expressed my deep concern for his health. He just told me to shush...imagine that. He is entirely a busy body. He always has been, but it's becoming increasingly more apparent as he gets older. I have the same bone in my own body, I can't sit still. I was very amused as he pulled apart our rusted grill and renewed it to working condition. He continued to hose off my entire back porch and it inspired some intense spring cleaning. He also took my dog under his wing during his visit, but maintained his claim that he is not a dog person. Okay, Dad...keep telling yourself that....

I was so proud of myself for avoiding the inevitable feelings of sadness I feel when my family leaves me to go home. I did this while keeping in mind that my mom would arrive only a few short hours after my dad's departure. I made it all the way to the airport, then I turned around to look at Lyla. Her lip was quivering. Big ol' tears rolling down her cheeks. Then she said "it's so hard to say goodbye" and it was game over for me. She is so right. I felt her sadness and it broke my heart. I think it even got my dad a little too.

I am so grateful for the relationship my dad has formed with his grandchildren. He has a true bond with both of them. I love it. I do wish we lived closer, but it makes these visits so much more valuable for me.  I'm also grateful for the relationship I have with my dad as an adult. We had a rough time for awhile. He wasn't very tolerant of the teenage version of Kaili. I'm glad we have moved past that because he really is one of the best humans. He is smart. He silently has a huge heart. His sense of humor is on my same wave length. And he doesn't annoy me. Yep. That's the best kind of human in my world. 

Enjoy the excessive amount of photos....

Photo Reel

NERDS!

Germs Get Out!

The past couple weeks have felt wild around here. Both the kiddos have been suffering from cold symptoms, Lyla was even diagnosed with a mild version of croup. Just as she was recovering from that, she got hit with a double ear infection. I know little babies are prone to getting them, but this was our first experience ever. We've dodged any ear issues for over three years, so I am grateful for that. Ear aches are not fun. I thought I would actually find some enjoyment from her being sick. It would give us some down time to simply snuggle on the couch. Plus, having a sick Lyla means less barbie voices and less play dough crumbs scattered around the kitchen. In reality, she looked so sad and helpless that I started wishing she would get up and make a mess.  Please make chocolate milk and spill it all over the floor. Please smear my make-up all over your face. Please get fingerprints on the clean table. Can you at least dance and sing? Please please please don't be sick anymore! Ha. It's a confusing situation! She's been on an antibiotic and finally back to acting like her cheerful little self, making me play barbies against my will and whatnot. I served her breakfast in bed a couple days in a row. She must have thought that was pretty awesome since she has tried faking sick since then. Haha! Silly girl, you can't fool your mother! 

Meanwhile, just last night Max woke up with a fever that rose to an alarming number of 103.5! According to my doctor there is no need to rush to the ER unless the temperature hits 105, especially if his overall behavior is still normal. But once again, my experience with fevers is limited and that number sent me into a state of panic. I instantly brought him to bed with me so I could monitor his temp. Sleeping with one eye open is a skill I think most moms have mastered. Luckily his fever went down after a couple dosages of medicine and Max displayed no additional signs of being ill. He had some very interesting green discharge leaking from his eyeballs, but it didn't seem to bother him. I took him to the doctor anyway just to be sure he didn't have any ear infections as well. And guess what? The doctor found nothing wrong. His ears show no infection, however he did find some fluid in his right ear. I don't even really know what that means, but apparently it will drain on its own. His eyes look healthy. His lungs sound good. Errrm so what's up with the fever, doc? It's so hard to determine what is wrong when they can't tell you how they are feeling. His guess is a sinus infection or possibly a virus and we just have to ride it out. So more antibiotics and we will keep our fingers crossed that my baby boy is on the mend too! I really don't want to see another doctor until Max's well check-up when he turns two. Pretty please. 

Also, I don't want to make this all about me buuuut it seriously seems like my kiddos get sick every time I have family coming to visit. What the crap. I think I'm cursed. I've been disinfecting my house from top to bottom. Posted a sign that reads "germs aren't welcome here" and put hand washing into overdrive. I should really be better about making them wash their hands before meal times anyways since most of their foods are finger foods. We're trying to make that a habit, I just always forget because I'm not really a germ freak --- unless we are at the mall or the children's museum, I always feel like we all have poop on our hands after leaving those places. Oh, and the zoo too. Yuck. 

Having sick kids doesn't mix well with my insistence on having the house in mint condition when our guests arrive. I don't know what my problem is, but the true perfectionist in me comes out when I know visitors are in route. I'm a little bit of a clean freak anyways, but since having kids I've learned to let go of the minor details. I still keep things tidy, but sadly the dust bunnies stick around longer than I would like. I have hope that I can return to the land of having [long-lasting] fine polished furniture one day, but for now it is a big waste of time. I shine my fridge and it looks like crap again within the hour. It is just the joys of being a parent I suppose. Anyhow, back to my point. If I have family coming to town, I let crazy out of her cage and scrub the whole house until it meets my old standard of cleanliness. My claws even come out if the kids walk on my fresh vacuum lines. Don't worry though, it's only temporary. I relax and put crazy back in her cage when our guests arrive and see my house in its cleanest condition for five minutes. I just like to create the illusion that I have my shit together. I think it's a disease or something. 

My last task was to remove the wet dog smell that's been lingering around the house. It makes me want to cut off my nose. Ugh. Baking soda is my friend. Overall, my house is looking pretty spiffy. We are ready for the festivities. Here's to hoping the kiddos aren't sick & cranky for all of the upcoming adventures. We have my dad visiting first, followed by my mom and little brother. Then my mother-in-law and sister are coming. April is looking like a great month. Having my family in Texas is going to be the best birthday present ever!

PS: Lyla had her first soccer practice today. She was super shy in the beginning and it gave me flashbacks of my early days of being a human. It made me feel sad for her because I know what that anxiety feels like. But eventually she warmed up and had a great time. There is one other girl on the team. They held hands while running down the field during the scrimmage. They were even planning their first play date afterwards. Obviously we aren't expecting any expert skills to be mastered this season, but there is no doubt it's adorable watching all those little tots kick around a soccer ball. I think some parents are definitely taking it pretty serious though. That should make for some laughable moments on game days. I'll keep ya posted!!

PSS: I did not participate in "What I Wore Wednesday" this week because we've been sick and I've been cleaning like an idiot.  Don't worry, we will make up for it next week by looking super duper amazing. 

What I Wore Wednesday: Part 6

Today is Wednesday and I have no shame in announcing that we are slummin' it up. So, this edition of What I Wore Wednesday is brought to you by our Tuesday attire in honor of St. Patty's Day. I think holiday themed outfits are super adorable, but I've never been able to justify spending money on an outfit for only one day. Yes, I realize it would be fine to wear a holiday outfit on a non-holiday, but I'm too anal to accept any of that nonsense. I even have a hard time with Christmas outfits, even though the holiday season is celebrated all month long! 

holiday colors = yes. holiday theme = no.

I'm weird. Anyway, we just picked out green colored clothing from our closets for the day. Nothing wrong with that.  

Lyla and myself met some friends at a pottery shop and had fun painting plates. This would be an enjoyable experience for Maxwell as well, but his hands magnetize to anything breakable and I wanted to be able to relax with my Lyla girl. We are so appreciative of Charli for hanging out with little brother for a couple hours, so we could enjoy some girl time. 

fragile items + paint + max = stressed out momma. 

Also, I forgot to take any photos of my slightly festive outfit. I'll try harder next week.  

Lyla Estelle: 

Neon Green Top: Target
Floral Print Shorts: Target
Multi-Colored Toms: Journeys

Maxwell Monte:

Green Texas T-shirt: Second Hand
 Plaid Shorts: Children's Place

Grey & Coral Nike Free: Nike Outlet

What I Wore Wednesday: Part 5

What I Wore Wednesday is a social movement in an effort to prevent us humans from being slobs. My sister-in-law requested my participation in this trend, along with her other sisters scattered across the nation. Yoga pants will always be an essential item to my wardrobe, but this weekly habit is a small way of keeping us busy ladies accountable for our fashion choices.

I think Lyla looked exceptionally cute today. She requested Anna braids. Anna is a character from Frozen --- I'm sure you already know that, unless you're living in a bubble. I'm not sure where this sudden desire came from to have  her hair done, but I'm not complaining. I'm grateful for Max's preference towards hats lately. He managed to find and open Kirk's hair gel earlier in the day. His hair was looking totally wild, to say the least. See picture below. 

I purchased my sweater prior to my pregnancy with Max, then I got all plump and couldn't wear it anymore. It got lost in my closet and I only recently rediscovered its awesomeness. I love it when old clothes turn into new clothes. Also, I believe I made the statement in an earlier post that I am not a seflie person. I guess I can't really make that claim anymore since I now take photos of myself on a weekly basis. It definitely still feels awkward though. I'm always thinking to myself, "what the hell am I supposed to do with my hand?" 

Lyla Estelle: 

White Top, Gold Buttons: Old Navy
Floral Leggings: Old Navy
Ugg Boots: Gift from Aunt Kari

Maxwell Monte:

Nike Swagger Tee: Second Hand
 Lebron Nike Shoe: Nike Outlet

Texans Hat: Lids

Jeans: Carter's

Kaili Magdelina: 

Owl Sweater: Macy's
Dark Wash Jeggings: Bohme 

Brown Boots: Macy's 

Selfie Rant: 

Now that I'm a self-proclaimed selfie person, I think I need to get all of this off my chest. 

Selfies. I think it's the "look at me" mentality that tends to make me gag. This generation of individuals are incredibly tech savvy, yet equally as narcissistic. I don't want to be portrayed as a self-absorbed individual. That's not a path that I'm seeking in life. I guess I don't really understand why my mind is overly concerned with the world of selfies. The act of taking a selfie is fine, genius actually. There is no doubt that some people take really amazing photos of themselves. I just think some people get carried away with their selfie habit and need to cool their shit. 

I suppose people could make the same call about the amount of photos I take of my children. It's a completely mindless habit. There are so many moments of their childhood that I want to freeze, I guess taking a picture is the next best thing. I totally acknowledge that experiencing the moment is so much more valuable than looking at a picture later on. I constantly have to remind myself to put down my phone. I say to myself, "Hey self, it is okay if you don't get a picture of them in the bathtub today. I guarantee there is already at least 100 in existence." I know I'm not the only parent who tries to capture every adorable moment. I know I'm not the only parent who thinks their kid is the best thing ever. I'm literally obsessed with them. It's so silly. Do people with ugly children have this problem? <-- Joking. Calm down.

It's just interesting & terrifying & strange to me that my children will be able to find photos of themselves on the internet at basically every single stage of their life. I often wonder if the pictures posted of my kids will cause complications for them in the future? Imagine how much more accessible the world will be in another ten years! Nothing is protected on the internet. It's the INTERNET. This is why I avoid posting anything completely embarrassing online. For example, there is an awesome photo of Max sitting on the toilet. I didn't share it anywhere on the internet because I thought about what life might be like for him when he is in junior high. What if a group of 14 year old girls find this photo and it totally humiliates him. Maybe he will laugh it off, but maybe it will really hurt. This is a total hypothetical situation. It's just the crap my mind comes up with. Junior high girls are the worst. I know because I was one. Ha! I can't imagine how much harder it is now with the influence of social media.

Conclusion: I don't care about your selfies. You probably don't care about my kids eating plastic lunch. Maybe everyone should use a better filter when posting to social media and consider if it's really something everyone needs to see. At the same time, I'm not here to please everyone. The point of social media [for me] is to stay in contact with family. It's a great way to stay connected. My blog is really special to me because it is a journal of so many incredible memories. I really hope Lyla & Max are appreciative of it one day. It's the modern day scrapbook. Ugh! There goes my brain working in two directions again. I think moderation is probably the key to this headache I'm having.

If you can offer any insight or perspective to this generation of picture obsessed people, please share. It's something that boggles my mind. all. of. the. time. How did we get here? Is it necessary? Is it damaging? 

 OK BYE!

Sleep Routines

It's that time of year again when we change our clocks, allowing daylight to stick around just a little while longer. Although the adjustment can feel like we are getting an hour of our day robbed from us, I actually prefer this time change because it means it's still light when Kirk gets home from work. However, any time change means a potential disruption in our sleep schedule. Bedtime has definitely been sneaking up on me the past couple days. 

Our babies are not natural born lovers of sleep, especially Lyla. That girl has some wild sleeping patterns. I've always tried to be really consistent with our bedtime rituals and stick to a schedule. I feel like it's the least I can do to help them out. But as our kids grow, their needs and wants change and so does our bedtime routine. We've been in the same groove for a few months now and I've really enjoyed it. 

Lyla's bedtime has always been a little later than I would typically like, but Kirk doesn't arrive home from work until 7:00 --- give or take thirty minutes. So ever since our move to Texas we set her bedtime at 9:00 so she could spend some time with her dad without feeling rushed to get through dinner and get ready for bed. Max isn't a night owl like Lyla and he could never make it until 9:00. He's always been on the 8:00 bedtime schedule, until recently. 

I used to incorporate bath time into our nightly routine, especially when they were little babies. Obviously it makes more sense to bathe them after the inevitable mess created during dinner, but for the same reason of not feeling rushed when dad gets home, we now like to get baths taken care of late afternoon. or whenever --- since baths are a source of a fun time for them!

Because the needs of these kiddos are constantly changing, we've been able to merge their bedtime routines over the past several months. It's turned into our nightly family activity and I will be very upset if anything [like the time change!] screws us up. I just wanted to dedicate this blog post to giving a detailed description of our evening on a typical basis. It might be boring to read, but it's mostly for my own reference. I know the day will come when Max refuses to be rocked to sleep. The day will come when my arm no longer goes numb from rubbing Lyla's back. Those dreadful days are ahead and when they do come, at least I can look back to this blog and remember all these treasured memories. 

Here we go!

Around 8:00 the whole family climbs into Lyla's bed for story time. Lyla and Max pick out an assortment of books. The book about a freight train and the superhero books are regulars. Kirk likes to spice up the repetitiveness with some really impressive voices. His sound effects are pretty awesome too. Then after our twenty-ish minute snuggle sesh, Kirk always asks Max if he wants dad to put him to bed. That's when Max clings to me while saying "Mom!" Actually, it really sounds like "Meeeehm" when he says it. Max gives hugs and kisses to Kirk and Lyla, then we venture off to his room. Max still thinking he is the boss for choosing who puts him to bed, when really that is all part of our sneaky plan to build some enthusiasm about going to his bedroom. 

I sit with Max in his chair for approximately ten minutes. I rub his back and talk to him about his day. His body is getting so long that, I must admit, it's getting a little awkward to hold him like a baby, but I will make it work as long as possible. Then I lay him in his crib with his binky, he wraps his arm around hulk, rolls over and closes his eyes. Sometimes he gets a little feisty about the order in which his blankets get put on top of him. It's a bit of a communication issue, as I can't exactly figure out what his deal is with the blankets. But after a few tries of putting them on in a different order, he usually seems satisfied. It's a weird thing. He settles in and sleeps until morning. We snuggle in bed in the morning until Kirk gets in the shower, then Max is usually eager to join him in getting ready for work.

While I'm saying goodnight to Max, Kirk remains in Lyla's room. They started this new habit of drawing funny faces on pictures and then posting them to Snapchat. I eventually come back to Lyla's room and she promptly orders Kirk to leave. It's like she is excusing him from his shift. It's pretty funny. This is when the serious rituals start. Lyla will not close her eyes until we complete all of the following steps. And if I try to rush through or skip anything, she knows. There are some nights when I wonder what I got myself into with all these elaborate steps I've created. 

The first thing we talk about is our day. I always ask her to tell me something that made her happy. Then I ask her to tell me something that made her mad or sad. It's actually a great time to reflect on any disagreements we may have had. She is generally pretty logical, but there are times throughout our week when she gets so overwhelmed with emotion that it's difficult for her to comprehend logic. It's easier to talk about those times when we are laying in her bed. It's also a good time for me to acknowledge my own imperfections. I tend to apologize to her for being impatient or a lazy listener. Then she wants to know our plans for the following day. This is fun, except on the days that I don't have anything planned activity wise. Then I just have to make playing with barbies sound like the best day ever, which is actually what Lyla would prefer to do most days anyhow!  

You would think she would be good with a hug & kiss after all that, but no. The next thing I do is list out "all the people who love lyla..." I say all the names in this slow, methodical voice. There have been times when I try to say the names at a faster pace, especially if I'm tired or there is a TV show I am itching to watch. Lyla does not allow it. "Mom, you aren't doing it right..." Now I've learned my lesson that it's best to just do it right the first time. The list goes like this:

"Your mommy loves you. Your daddy loves you. Max loves you. Krew loves you. Kurt & Bya love you. Charli, Jeremy, & Hali love you. Grandma Julie loves you. Grandpa Monte loves you. Cameron loves you. Ashton & Jarem love you. Taylor & Jordan love you. Sydney, Rob, & Scarlett love you. Grandma Anna loves you. And Carl. Grandpa Dave loves you. Grandma Carter loves you. Grandpa Paul & Grandma Shelby love you. Uncle Jake loves you. Grandma Paula loves you. Grandpa Steve loves you. Grandpa Rick loves you. Grandma Becky. Aunt Kari and Chad love you. And Madison, Chloe, & Libby. And those are all the people who love Lyla."

*Please note* Although the names on this list are clearly of elite status, it does not include all members who undoubtedly have love for Lyla. If you feel your name should be included on this list and it isn't, please do not take it as a personal attack. It is not our intention to offend anyone or hurt feelings. There are additional names I've considered adding, but I simply do not wish to create more dialogue in our already very tedious night time routine. Oh. And the list is in no particular order either. I know my gram might start over thinking that one!  *Carry on*

The name game concludes and that's when I begin scratching Lyla's back. In a perfect world she is starting to feel sleepy. Her eyes are getting heavy and I watch her transition into her first phase of sleep. It's nice when that happens. It makes me feel pretty victorious. In reality, she usually starts pulling out the stall tactics after a few minutes of getting her back scratched. She will ask for a family picture, for the hall light to be turned on, or some water. Every once in awhile she will start her sentence with "umm...um...um..." and that's when I know she is getting desperate for an excuse. 

If this happens, I will stay in her bed until she does fall asleep. It's not unusual for me to doze off as well. If I have work to do or blogging, Lyla is agreeable to me being on my laptop outside of her bedroom. The tapping noise from my typing must be continuous though or she starts calling my name. 

In a perfect world she sleeps in her bed until morning. It's nice when that happens. In reality, she usually sneaks into our room in the middle of the night. At least now she does so silently, instead of her old ways of screaming bloody murder her entire walk to our bedroom. It really doesn't bother us when she comes to our bedroom though. The only time we question why we allow it is when she starts doing cartwheels and someone gets a kick to the face.

It's funny how typing all this out suddenly made this process seem so ridiculous. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. What matters is that it works for us. The days can be full of so much chaos, having a predictable evening is sometimes what I look forward to the most. It's the most peaceful part of my day. 

The Day Dad Made Pizza

It may be unknown to some that Kirk's lifelong dream is to start his own pizza shop. He believes it's his ultimate destiny and his love for pizza is no coincidence. He has brainstormed so many different ideas to create the best pizza experience imaginable. I honestly think if he didn't have a family to provide for he would quit his job and focus all his energy on pizza. Of course, he would also need to find a willing investor. Haha! Anyway, he started experimenting with some different recipes recently. He believes finding the perfect dough is the first step he needs to take in order to achieve his dreams. 

Sadly, his first attempts did nothing to satisfy our pallets and proved he still has a lot of work to do. At the very least it provided a few hours of entertainment, some bonding time with his Lyla girl, and lots of laughing as we watched Kirk try to master the art of tossing the dough. 

What I Wore Wednesday: Part 4

What I Wore Wednesday is a trend sweeping social media to promote fashion accountability and encourage overall vanity. My sister in law requested my participation in this weekly tradition and it turns out I'm a willing participant. It's only slightly embarrassing when Lyla catches me taking photos of myself. "look away sweetie..."

Wednesday morning we always go to our music class. It's a fun start to our day. Afterwards we headed to the grocery store, first making a pit stop to see Kirk at work. I arranged for a babysitter to come by in the afternoon for a couple hours. I needed a little bit of "self time" --- as Lyla likes to call it. I visited a friend and did some kid-free shopping. Now my batteries feel recharged and my alone time levels are full.

Lyla picked out her outfit today from head to toe. She even brushed her hair and  teeth all by herself. She is growing into quite the self-sufficient little lady. We only got in a little fight about putting her hair up because somehow we didn't get all the shampoo washed out and she looked like a total greaseball. Normally I like to avoid any argument involving her hairstyle.

Max is loving baseball hats lately. We really need to increase his inventory because the only one he owns is getting pretty snug. Also, please note, once again, Max's shorts are not Kirk approved. I believe Kirk called them "train conductor" shorts. I am realizing just how critical he is of his son's wardrobe. Geez! Kidding. I imagine someday Max will be grateful to have a dad with a decent sense of fashion. 

My skirt is hot off the shelves from Target. It's one of those pieces of clothing that I love so much I want to go back and get it in every color. I told Kirk he was getting old when he started buying a specific style of shirt in a variety of colors. Hmm I guess I'm old now. I love dresses. I love skirts. And the great thing about Texas is I can usually wear them year round. However, any dress or skirt that goes above my knee pretty much remains in the closet due to their lack of functionality, same reason you will rarely see me in high heels. I need clothes that are kid proof. My life tends to bring me down to kid level multiple times a day and that's why longer skirts are pretty great for me. I don't have to worry about anyone seeing my tooshie! 

Lyla Estelle: 

Duck Print Top, Ruffled Sleeves: Hand-Me Down

Black Leggings: Target

Multi-Colored Toms: Journeys

Maxwell Monte:

Mr. Messy Tee: Target *so fitting for max*

Pin Stripe Shorts: Carter's

Light Up Sandals: Sketchers Brand
Texans Hat: Lids

Kaili Magdelina:

Black Top, Lace Accents: Target

Maxi Skirt: Target

Coral Toms: Gift from Olivia 

Necklace: Forever 21

[I now realize my shoes are hidden in the photo, but they were super cute so it was necessary for them to be mentioned]

My sister blogs about her wardrobe and she is super fabulous. 
You can check her out by clicking here ---> www.organizecleandecorate.com

Sentimental Sunday

When our family was given the opportunity for me to become a stay at home mom and move to Texas, the most logical decision was obvious. I traded in my awesome job at the law firm for the most important job of all. I knew leaving the only place I've ever called home would be a big transition, but it was all about starting a new chapter in our book. I often think about what life would be like if I continued working or if our life still existed in Idaho. What kind of challenges would I face as  a working mother? Would I feel guilty and overwhelmed, much like I do now, but for completely different reasons? Would our kids be happier, would Kirk be happier, would I be happier with a different family dynamic? I think there are sacrifices no matter which side of the fence you happen to land on. Isn't finding balance in our lives the most common human goal?

There are less than 30% of families with a stay at home parent in our country. I was surprised by that number when I looked it up. I wonder if people value their career more than the idea of raising their own children or if our culture has become so fast paced that most families require two incomes? I imagine there is some truth to both of those theories. I'm not implying there is only one right way to raise children. I think that would be an arrogant mindset to have. I actually find it fascinating the way this modern generation has broke away from the mold and discovered several successful methods to raise a family. It's created so much diversity in our world, allowing so many opportunities to teach our children to be accepting of everyone.

I recognize our family is representing a traditional lifestyle. Kirk works hard and I know he endures a lot of stress being the provider for a family of four. I constantly feel the pressure to ensure my kids are healthy, happy, clean, fed, rested, educated, exercised, entertained, loved. It's incredibly demanding. But we appreciate each other. We are ultimately a team and help each other out in all aspects of our lives, but I think one of the most important lessons we are teaching our children is that our family is one unit and everyone has to contribute for us to function properly.

There is a quote I wanted to share that is so relatable to my life and very hilarious. It is a husband sharing his opinion about his wife being a SAHM. It seriously could have come straight from Kirk's mouth. "Stay-at-home mom's have THE most difficult job. There is nowhere to hide, and they are constantly on call. That said, the easiest part of being a stay-at-home mom is knowing the person throwing temper tantrums is actually a child. Children cry, whine, manipulate, and are naturally full of drama. Unfortunately, at my office, some 'grown ups' don't recognize those attributes are no longer necessary!"

It's important for me to remember the reason we made this choice was because we wanted to be present for our children as much as possible [<- duh] and that included avoiding daycare. However, I think I'm finally to a point where my only regret about moving away from Idaho is the distance from most of our family, only because it would be so wonderful for the kids to have grandparents within a 20 mile radius. I'm content with my other losses because I've gained so much more. I always imagined my own kids making the same memories I made during my childhood, but they aren't and that's okay. 

I am so grateful for the time I have with my kids, especially during these early years. And thanks to our flexibility, we often get to visit Kirk at work during the week too. It's not going to be long before Lyla & Max are in school, making friends, getting involved in their own hobbies --- and when that time comes, I think I will truly miss my two partners in crime 24/7. 

The days can be long, but the years are flying by at an absurdly fast speed. I try to remind myself to take a step back and simply watch them as often as possible. I memorize their body language and engrave their sweet voices in my mind. I take a deep breath of their scent anytime they sit on my lap. I observe as they interact with one another. I often find myself reminiscing about moments that happened merely six months ago. These little creatures are continually evolving and one day they are going to evolve to the point where they are one of those self-sufficient, contributing members of society and walk right out the front door. There are obviously still many bridges to cross and obstacles to endure before all that, but the thought of my babies leaving the nest is terrifying. I think about the struggles they will face. The heartache they will experience. The lessons they will learn and people who may betray them. It's confusing that hypothetical situations have the ability to bring me such sorrow. 

I do think all of this is a component of parenthood that nobody really mentions. It's definitely not something I ever read about it in any parenting book. There are conflicting opinions on everything from sleep to eating habits to playground etiquette, yet I was never warned that becoming a mom would induce everlasting worry and fear. I think these feelings are something most parents cope with throughout their journey. It's a feeling of being pulled in two directions when you want so badly for your children to experience everything life has to offer, but want to protect them from all of the evil and corruption in the world. It weighs heavy on my heart. 

On a lighter note, in an effort to bring myself back to a happy place, I know Lyla & Max have a great future in store for them. They are blessed with an amazing family. They have people who love and support them. They will have many opportunities to reach their full potential. They are going to make so many accomplishments in their lifetime and I get to cheer them on through on all of it. It's so amazing watching them grow up. I love watching them learn a new skill and develop new talents. I love watching their bond strengthen. They are kind hearted individuals and I adore them. I am so proud to be their mom. 

Motherhood is the most valuable gift I've ever been given. It's definitely more challenging than I ever could have prepared for, but the reward is as good as gold. These babies radiate so much love. Life is good.