Rated R

I pulled this quote from a friend's blog because I love it.

“The world is rated R, and no one is checking ID’s. Do not try to make it G by imagining the shadows away. Do not try to hide your children from the world forever, but do not try to pretend there is no danger. Train them. Give them sharp eyes and bellies full of laughter. Make them dangerous. Make them yeast, and when they’ve grown, they will pollute the shadows.” -N.D Wilson. 

The Wheelers Roll Out

The good news is Taylor & Jordan decided to make their stay in Texas permanent...the bad news is they didn't want to live with us forever. ;) Luckily, they found an adorable home within close proximity & were able to get settled in last week. Although we are going to miss seeing their faces every day, we are super excited about having more family members in Texas.  On the other hand, they are likely looking forward to a break from the two monkeys who frequently bang on their door first thing in the morning requesting to perform check-ups, sing songs, and/or pick out their clothes for the day. They never complained even once about the constant harassment. 

Lyla has amped up the drama by making Taylor promise to never forget her --- I think her powerful performances are impressive enough to win her an award someday. She truly admires her aunt and they have undoubtedly developed an unbreakable bond. The nonstop make-up tutorials, nail painting, fort building, ice-cream sneaking, and "pink pants dancing" has resulted in a four month long fiesta. And I'm really going to miss Max wanting to eat anything Jordan is eating. In case you don't know Jordan, I should probably clarify that Max mimicking his eating habits is a good thing. Oh, except for that one time he fed him an energy drink. I'll have to remember that one when they have kids someday. Hehee! 

We have made some really fun memories together. They were excellent roomies & we miss them already! Is it too soon for a family sleepover? 

I'm joking...

Not.

Overall, I feel really fortunate that our kids have lived with so many various family members over the past few years. They will always have two parents who love them dearly, but more times than not they've had at least two other influential adults in their daily lives. I reflect back to the early days when I took Lyla to work with me. She was the office baby & everyone played a role in keeping her content throughout the day. My uncle [boss man] was definitely a trooper to embrace that transitional time for me. The grandmas were also so sweet to volunteer so much time to baby Lyla. She won't remember those days, but they still mean a lot to me. 

Then we lived with Charli & Jeremy for several months upon first relocating to Texas, Kurt & Olivia lived with us for a year, followed by Taylor & Jordan who moved in this summer. We were able to share a lot of meaningful milestones with a lot of different people. It's  been a rare opportunity to temporarily combine our home-lifestyle with so many amazing people. I think it's pretty neat. The assortment has been immensely beneficial for the kids --- I especially notice a positive impact on Max, who tends to attach himself to the male species after a long day of only female interaction.

I am happy with the tribe surrounding our family, thank you if you are part of it.

Seriously Happy Hump Day!

There can be bad days that really suck and then there are really good days that can feel almost magical. Today was definitely one of the magical days.

I'm never surprised to get at least one grumpy face in the morning, but today both kids woke up so peacefully. It's such a treat when I can sneak out of bed without disrupting them until I'm eventually greeted with cheerful attitudes. I attempt this most days, but the usual result is the sound of a torturous scream prompted after the discovery of my absence in bed. In the event that happens, I have no issue crawling back into bed to embrace the snuggling. They quickly calm down as they fall in and out of sleep for a little while longer, basically making me feel used for nothing more than a body pillow. It's freaking adorable when they end up snuggling each other instead, which can activate more screaming when one of them wakes up and realizes the warm body is not Mom. 

They continued this delightful morning by eating breakfast without resistance, including no fake crying when denied their request for ice cream. There's no doubt that we've consumed ice cream for breakfast a time or two in the past on perhaps a day like someone's birthday, but it's been many many moons since we've indulged in such a crime. However, they continue to ask to have ice cream for breakfast [literally] every single day. It can be ridiculously annoying.

The morning continued on this trail of nirvana as they got in the shower. We all crammed in together and have developed a routine to ensure eyes are protected from soap at all times --- obviously a group activity that must eventually come to a halt, we just haven't reached that point yet. I hustled upstairs while they were drying off to grab them some clothes for the day. I was pleasantly surprised when nobody rejected my outfit choices, even Max, who tends to be the particular one about his wardrobe these days. This was actually probably the most amazing moment of the day.

We ventured off to gymnastics, then came back home to enjoy some lunch. Once again, a smooth process with limited complaints. The transition to bedtime was chaos-free and there wasn't even a bazillion nagging requests like usual. Max's bladder triggered him to wake up, he used the potty and went right back to bed --- another win! The universe was seriously in alignment with Lyla & Max today. I didn't look up daycare prices on the internet even once! Tee-hee...

I had a moment of reflection while driving when Lyla asked, "Mom, when can we go to the beach again?" I thought about how many times I asked that question when I was younger --- probably zero times. It's not that my parents were cruel and never took me. I visited the beach a couple times before, we just lived in Idaho and a trip to the beach meant more than a simple afternoon getaway. My repeated desires were more likely about boating, camping, and other mountainous activities. The obvious difference here is living in two different regions of the country, so exposure to things like beaches or mountains will be different for every youngster. Kirk still claims he has never built a snowman!

However, this nostalgic moment was a reminder for me that their childhood is not a remake of my own. Prior to, and even in the beginning of parenthood, I had this insane vision that I would create the exact same childhood I had for my own children. I never claimed it to be picture perfect or anything, but I figured it was pretty great and I wanted them to experience everything I did --- this included family traditions, weekends at grandmas, social hang outs, and if I was lucky, even attend the same school district. I quickly learned that was an unnecessary component to a fulfilling childhood. 

I do find it funny how I never really considered that my kids would grow up in a different generation than I did. I remember my mom making generation comparisons when I was younger and it never really made much sense to me. Why would it...I didn't exist for her childhood experiences. Now that I'm older, wiser, and worn the shoes of being a parent and child, I can already recognize the differences --- for example, my kids will never know the fear of being dared to call a crush on their [only] house phone during a sleepover. Now those nerves will be shielded by a bright screen, selfies, and text messages. Oy! That's just one example, but I feel they are being robbed of  a lesson in vulnerability, honestly. I guess we'll just have to see how all this techy communication stuff shakes out.

Anyway, I no longer carry the ridiculous fantasy of recreating my childhood for my kids. Kirk agrees that is not the quest we are on. We won't shame them into playing basketball or demand they look a certain way...umm because that's how serial killers are born! We have found the true joy is sharing only the best traditions, lessons, and memories while still leaving much room to create our own. 

Max The Fashionista & Monday Muse

Max is deep in the stage of insisting on dressing himself. His fashion choices are often questionable, but that's one area I [try to] avoid interfering with. The freedom of self-expression is important for all ages! Max's favorite outfit combo tends to be a button down paired with basketball shorts --- business on top, leisure on bottom? The funny thing is most of his button down shirts are much too small, allowing his Buddha belly to poke out the bottom. Oh, and his preferred basketball shorts [um capris/pants] are those left behind by our four year old friend. The expression on his face is pure disappointment if I ever try to convince him to wear something different....sooo we just roll with it. Haters gonna hate. 

This is how Max shows off his muscles!

It was a beautiful day in Texas today. We spent some time playing at the park, where Lyla's topic of conversation was convincing me she is five. She exclaimed, "this is what five year olds do..." as she climbed the ladder to the monkey bars. She completed two full bars, arms swinging and everything, before she realized what she was doing and had a moment of panic. It's funny how much we can accomplish before we allow fear to set in. She's such a silly girl.

We came home and both kiddos took nice long naps, leaving me with the sweet sound of silence for a couple hours. I was feeling inspired after binge watching Pioneer Woman over the weekend and decided to bake some mini-loaves of banana bread. It was going great until my 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg turned into 2 teaspoons due to a shaker malfunction. I took a photo of the final presentation for the blog, like a true social media monster. Then Lyla woke up & we shared an entire loaf...apparently the nutmeg mishap wasn't that detrimental after all. Haha! Today was a good day. I feel more at peace after getting that crazy lady out of my system.

Real Talk: Feeling Vulnerable

I am grateful tomorrow is Monday. I am grateful that last week is behind me --- and after this blog post, that's exactly where I'll leave it. We survived last week and nothing more.

Obviously I'm not referring to the beginning of the week, having my mom in town until Wednesday was fantastic! Then the last half of the week spiraled downward quickly and left me feeling raw and defeated against my children. The fighting, back-talking, entitled attitudes, and constant whining day after day fueled a storm inside me. They are incredibly persistent too and, frankly, were being total assholes. I don't even understand how it got that bad. Was it that bad? Was it just me and my inability to handle it? It was three days of chaos from the kids, including unproductive demands from me. It gets to a point where the constant "NO" from me becomes nothing more than a noise to them. They neglected to listen --- I don't blame them, really. I felt bad because I was nothing more than a robot barking orders, but I didn't have energy for anything else. 

I felt like a failure, wondering where my sweet children went. I started feeling even more guilty upon the fear that their negative behavior was a result of not enough positive attention they should be receiving. I worry so often that I get too consumed with selfish matters that I forget to love them enough --- I know I always do, it's just in these moments when I worry I'm not doing enough. Those insecurities sure can be annoying to deal with. I finally tapped out on Saturday and abandoned Kirk with the wild people. It was for the best, considering he seemed to have a better grip on life than me at the moment. If the acts of a two year old can make me want to cry, like for reals, then I know it's time to walk away. The normal me wouldn't let that happen, but my hot mess status was at a ten. My only options were to runaway to Mexico or surrender to my bed. Although Mexico sounded tempting, I chose the latter...

I do need to give Lyla and Max credit --- they really are awesome kids, they are polite and mostly well-behaved, and they usually get along great. I enjoy being their mom and usually they make it easy on me. We just had a few rough days. It happens. I think bad days probably have the potential to occur more often than I realize, I'm just faced with the "I can't handle it" level of mentality when I'm struggling to balance all the other crazy aspects of life. In hindsight, the daily conflicts were the same as always --- it was simply my own reaction that created such disastrous moments. My brain overthinks itself into an explosion every once in awhile, not often, but still unwelcomed when it does occur. I temporarily lost my ability to laugh and see the happy moments in the midst of the bad. This is a must have parenting life skill and it was nowhere to be found last week.

I'm questioning if we experienced a post-Grandma Anna hangover, perhaps we couldn't handle reality after five straight days of being spoiled by her. Or maybe our household dynamic is in disarray because the absence of Taylor & Jordan gone to Idaho. Or maybe I'm just insane. Oh, I know! I'll blame the time change. Hehe! The possibilities are endless. Regardless, I need our happy energy to return ASAP. I'm hopeful it's on its way.

There is no denying motherhood is filled with so many fulfilling moments of love & joy, along with so many other emotions I never expected --- including feeling powerless and being inadequate at times. My patience was tested last week and if I've learned anything, I know it will happen many times again. At the very least, my endurance is growing.

I am grateful for a new week to do better. I am grateful for knowing that a few rough days does not equate to any long-term damage; my children tend to be continuously resilient and forgiving. I am grateful to Kirk for putting us back together after unknowingly walking into a hailstorm of a weekend. I love them all so much.

My focus for this week is being calm and patient with my kids. I'm going to slow down and listen intently. I'm going to remember the importance of balance and to breathe deeply. We are all in this together. 

Spa by Lyla

As always, my mom's visit included a trip to the pedicure store. We decided Lyla is old enough to join the fun & we were right --- she loved it! She loved it so much that she wanted to recreate the scenario at home...over...and over....and over...and over again. I'm not sure Kirk found it to be as relaxing as he initially thought. He was an overly enthusiastic customer as a way to mask his true feelings. Haha!

Visit from Grandma Anna

The official sibling shuttle service, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Princess Grandma Anna

We were so lucky to have Grandma Anna to ourselves for a few days. Her visits always seem to go by way too fast. We made up for lost time by catching up on all of our missed shopping & lunching dates due to the serious amount of mileage between us. Sometimes simply 'being together' with the people I love is what I miss most about Idaho. I should really do more research on proper hostage techniques, because so far none of my attempts have worked. I think the reasons we want to keep her are obvious, but I'll go ahead and list a few. 

She provides unlimited back scratches. She folds laundry for fun. She is a professional Barbie player. She secretly returns to certain retail merchants to make surprise splurge purchases. She also tells awesome bedtime stories, which is great considering my inventory is running low. [Side note: If you have a childhood story, particularly from when you were three, please do me a favor and share it with the curious mind of Lyla.] Lyla is continually fascinated by her understanding that her grandma is also my mom. I kept hearing her say, "Grandma Anna, you have such a hard job --- you have to be a mommy and grandma!" That does sound like a tough job, but she does it so very well. We had so much fun and it never gets easier to say goodbye. I'm switching gears to Thanksgiving mode now to avoid melting into a puddle of sadness! Gobble Gobble Gobble. 

Halloween: Part 3

I feel like I created all this anticipation about Halloween on the blog & then failed to deliver when it came to the main event. I apologize to all three of my avid blog followers for any disappointment I may have caused.... heeehehe!

Nonetheless, Halloween was a success! The rain took a break and we were able to take the kiddos trick or treating. It was a pretty simple task this year since they no longer require assistance approaching each doorstep. They know the drill. I was even impressed by Max, who kept up with the big kids --- although he basically had to sprint to do so. He really didn't seem to mind until a few blocks in and we realized he was seriously out of breath & dripping in sweat. Haha! That little dude worked hard for his candy this year. The best part of Halloween was having my momma in town for a visit. She decided to dress up last minute and I thought there was going to be a real crisis when she returned home from the store with Elsa accessories. It definitely took some time for Miss Lyla to come to terms with that one!