Octoberish

I seriously cannot believe it is the middle of October already. It feels like we just had Halloween last week. It's so funny how time seems to pass so slowly as a child. Then suddenly you become an adult and every time you blink it's a new year. Time passes at frightening speeds these days. I admittedly spend some days dreaming of when my babies become self-sufficient creatures and no longer rely on me every second of the day. Then I have days like today when I truly enjoy every moment with them. There are moments when I feel this is all happening too fast. And I feel so sad when I think about them growing up. Why is motherhood so emotional? It occurred to me today that I only have two more years with Lyla before she starts her journey as a school kid. 

I am genuinely excited for my babies to spread their wings. I want them to make their own mistakes, learn lessons, make friends, and discover their independence. I know they are going to be awesome at life, but I am also so scared. They will get hurt and I'm not going to be there. They will get their hearts broken. They will trust someone who betrays them. They will feel disappointment. They will experience failure. Life is brutal. I have such a desire to protect them both from these things, but that would be an unrealistic expectation. I can only hope that I have done enough to help them be brave, be kind, and make smart choices. Above all, I hope they are never afraid to be open and honest with me and Kirk. It's so important to us that they know our unconditional love is present in every situation. 

Their newest request is to "be like dad" when they get out of the bath. 

My friend Laura and her mom, along with other events, have weighed heavy on my heart recently. Laura passed away a little over two years ago and, although her mom has found beautiful ways to honor Laura's memory, it will always be a raw wound for her. For me, even the brief thought of losing a child brings me to tears. I can't imagine how any parent finds strength to even get out of bed after such a tragedy. No parent should ever have to outlive their child. It seems so unfair no matter how I approach it. Lyla and Max have a long life ahead of them and they won't be under my wing for most of it. It scares me. It really scares me. 

Well. I apologize about those last few sentences getting all gloom and doom sounding. I know it isn't healthy to let my mind wander there. I learn a lot by putting myself in other peoples shoes and that is one situation that makes me feel so much heartache. It doesn't help that I have a little bit of that Grandma Paula worry gene. Anyway. Happy thoughts. 

We took Lyla and Max to a pumpkin patch this weekend. It was a fun event for little kids. They had tons of gross germy bounce houses. I was super impressed when Lyla climbed the tallest slide without any hesitation. She is acting so much older over the past few weeks. Max became ecstatic when he saw the choo choo train and went into complete trance mode when we took a train ride. He was also very fond of the baby piglet. Then we attempted the classic pumpkin photo, picked out some pumpkins, and came home. We have more Fall activities planned this week and I will post about them soon.

Maxwell looking for the choo choo train. He could hear it, but couldn't yet see it!

Lyla going up & down the big, intense slide.