That One Time I Became Mrs. Johnson

Alright. So here is my new philosophy about planning a wedding and getting married. It is a lot like child birth. I don't think anyone can understand how intense it truly is until they experience it first hand. I am generally a low-stress person but all this wedding chaos brought me to a level of anxiety that I didn't even know existed. I think people might call this bridezilla syndrome. It happened to me and it can happen to you. 

I will do my best to express how this happened to me. Other than the babies taking a few days to adjust to their new surroundings, the beginning of the trip was pretty laid back. There was a lot of crafting. My aunt's house turned into a crafting war zone. I'm sure she is thrilled to have her house back. I crafted with my cousins. crafted with my aunt. crafted with the in-laws. I had one grandpa chopping tree stumps. The other grandpa slicing wine bottles. Literally everyone was crafting in one way or another. I had an extremely frustrating experience getting my dress altered, but it all worked out in the end. You can read my Google review for Treasures in Idaho Falls if you want more detail about that nightmare. I picked up our beautiful rings. I met with my florist. photographer. the bakery. the DJ. It was a little hectic, but I maintained my sanity and at this point, I was still enjoying myself.

I had a very precise vision for the wedding and everything was all planned out as necessary. The three of us were definitely missing Kirk, who couldn't arrive until a few days before the wedding. I especially noticed how it was affecting Max, as he clung to any male who gave him a moment of affection. There were several moments of hating myself for booking a flight three weeks before Kirk. I think I actually cried about not having a wedding planner. Yes. Pathetic. I know. It was worth it in the end, but we definitely struggled without him.

Kirk finally arrived and brought some balance back to our lives. His flight came in late, but since we left Lyla's bed time in Texas, she had no problem coming with me to pick him up. She gave him at least twenty kisses in a row, grabbed his face and took a good look at him, then gave him several more kisses. That "welcome home" will forever be stamped in my memory. Kurt and Olivia were on the same flight and it felt like our old gang was all back together again. The rest of the wedding party and family started trickling in and that's when the intensity struck. 

Thursday night my bridesmaids threw me the most excellent bachelorette party. We started off with some pampering [pedicures & manicures] then got all dressed up for dinner. Afterwards we "wigged out" and ventured to the only spot in Idaho Falls that plays music on a Thursday night. [Ew.] I maintained a manageable level of crazy by keeping myself hydrated with h2o all night and woke up in the morning feeling like a fresh daisy. I knew I had a full day of work ahead at the barn and I didn't want any alcohol induced illness to hold me back. As I was preparing for the day, I believe I experienced my first real live panic attack. I suddenly had knots in my stomach, my heart was racing, and I started bawling for no apparent reason. I was seriously freaking myself out. I continued to bounce back and fourth between crying and hysterical laughter for pretty much the rest of the day. I still don't understand why it happened. I had plenty of help. My family and friends were extremely supportive. My bridesmaids were amazing with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  It helped that Kirk, as usual, was cool as a clam. I think it was just the reality of everything coming together. It hit me hard. I survived and the next day was wedding day. 

The wedding came together exactly as I imagined. My flowers were perfect. My hair was just how I wanted. My brother wore deodorant. However, as with all weddings, there were a few minor hiccups. Such as, me forgetting to wear my garter until the garter toss. Lyla and Max napping up until moments before show time. The cake still being slightly frozen. Oh, and although I reminded my foul mouth bridesmaids to keep the sailor talk to a minimum, I ended up being the one to drop [scream] the F bomb in front of my mother in law. Not my proudest moment. But none of that made the day less special.

I've known for a long time that Kirk was the one I wanted to spend my life with. There is no doubt in my mind that he is the "one". I know that some people may question why we would wait so long to get married. I'm still not sure I can answer that, but I will try. I've always been neutral on the idea of marriage. My family is plagued with divorce and I have never really had that great of an example of marriage. For a long time my mindset was, what is the point of getting married if you will just end up divorced. It makes me sad that my family has taught me so much about unconditional love, yet has so many failed marriages. Plus, I've always been slightly a rebel and questioned the norms of our society. I knew marriage wouldn't change my feelings for Kirk. The fact that we loved each other and were committed to each other was enough for me. 

It may come as a surprise to a lot of people that Lyla was not an accident. I was ready to become a mom. Kirk wanted to be a dad. The only surprising part was that she started cooking only two short months after we made that decision. We definitely felt pressure from both of our families to get married at that point. I think it is hard, especially for older generations, to take relationships seriously without the commitment of a marriage. However, I refused to have a shot gun wedding just to please our parents. I had a visual of the kind of wedding I wanted and I was willing to wait until we could make that happen. Kirk and I felt the same. In our eyes we were already living as husband and wife, and we were content with not rushing to make it official. 

As I matured, I understood the value of marriage. I finally became eager about getting married once I became a mom to Lyla. The biggest reason was I wanted to share the same last name as the people I loved the most. We are one unit and I never want Lyla [or Max] to have any reason to question that. It will never matter to them that we weren't married, they likely will not even remember the wedding. The most imperative thing is the unconditional love that I mentioned earlier. It is so important for us to always show Lyla and Max that their parents love each other no matter what life piles on our plates and we love them equally as much. 

I'm so happy we were able to have the wedding in the mountains, right where we already have so many wonderful memories. The wind was blowing all afternoon and stopped right in time. I don't think that was a coincidence either. I'm grateful so many people traveled to help us celebrate. The wedding ceremony, officiated by Jordan, was beautiful and intimate. My heart felt so full. It was humbling to have our family and friends witness the love and commitment we share. Kirk gave Lyla a ring to symbolize his commitment to her as her dad. I know she is very young, but it still felt like somehow she understood the significance of the day. We danced and celebrated all night. It was the perfect day that I will value forever.

As far as married life goes, so far it feels the exact same as before. The only difference is getting used to my new name and seeing a wedding band wrapped around Kirk's finger. These are pleasant changes to acclimate ourselves to. I will post more wedding pictures when I receive them from the photographer. 

Recap: 

Do I want to plan another wedding? Absolutely not. 

Do I want to live our wedding day over and over? Yes! Just without the roller coaster of emotions.